Well, what’s been all over the news lately is the issue of Scottish Independence, so we would be lax here at Newsnibbles if we didn’t do something on it. What if this was the only news outlet you read? You wouldn’t have a clue what was going on, would you?!
So, for those of you who have been living in a cave for the past several months may not know that Scotland are holding a referendum on whether they want to be independent from the rest of this wonderfully united Kingdom. The fear that they might actually vote YES has galvanised the BIG THREE into something they could actually agree on. Mr Macaroon almost cried like a girl, begging them to stay, saying how much “we” would miss them, whilst breathing into a paper bag and imagining the loss of all that oil, er company. We aren’t really sure what Mr Egg had to say, but it probably went along the lines of “I am so sorry you feel let down by us”, that’s what he usually seems to say. Mr Rubberband was more assertive, which is rather disconcerting for those of us who are accustomed to him sitting on the fence, and said that together something good would happen, to be honest I switched off when he started talking. Really he should be way more nervous than Mr Macaroon, because without Scotland it is incredibly unlikely that the UK will EVER get shot of the Tories. Might be a good time to consider leaving the country, especially if you’re a badger.
According to the Beeb, who have been reporting on the whole thing with gusto, there are lots of Scots who are still undecided, so it’s going to be right up to the wire. BBC coverage, as with most things they cover has involved stopping people on the streets and asking them stuff. They also have a random reporter standing on a street in Scotland answering questions she could just as easily answer from the studio. She is probably pleased there isn’t another storm for her to report on. Not to be outdone, whilst not leaving the comfort of this particular chair, we asked our many, many Twitter fans what they thought of Sottish Independence.
Our weather correspondent, The Wall Street Bull had this to say on the topic of Scottish independence:
Like most of your neighbours across the pond, I have only a passing awareness of the Scottish Independence issue, but lack of understanding has never stopped Americans from expressing passionate opinions about world issues, so here I go.
First off, since everything is all about us, we are understandably concerned that anything affecting Scotland might detrimentally impact the flow of single-malt Scotch to our shores, which would cause hardship to many prominent citizens. So we’re rooting for whichever decision results in an uninterrupted booze supply.
Secondly, the only Scotsman most of us know is the groundskeeper from the Simpsons. He’s already stated his position, so we’ll probably go with whatever that is. I didn’t actually watch the show–I just read a headline on Twitter.
Thirdly, we have mixed feelings about kilts. Females seem to think they’re hot, but dudes are not completely comfortable with the idea that at any minute, some kilted bro walking over a subway grate might treat us to a Marilyn Monroe moment that we won’t be able to unsee. We can’t dismiss the worry over this risk enough to concentrate on the real issues Scotland is facing, whatever they might be. Something about haggis, maybe? It’s unclear.
Lastly, as a nation that was formed by telling the British to GTFO, we do feel an affinity for Occupied Scotland. However, that’s tempered with our worry that Albannach will lose their angry edge if their country is finally free. As everybody knows, the Blues would never have come about if it wasn’t for pain and suffering. Likewise, England’s chains are what makes for great pipes and drums anthems. Not sure we’re ready to kiss that goodbye.
I think I speak for all Americans of non-Scottish descent when I say, “Meh.” In our defence, I’d like to add that we’re very busy interfering in the governments of other countries, so we’re really spread too thin to get more involved in the Scottish Independence issue. We wish them luck, and if they have any extra shortbread cookies lying around, we’d be happy to take them off their hands.
(Mr. Charging Bull is a New York City resident who has an opinion about everything. He’s available to speak at graduations, bar mitzvahs, or weddings, or anywhere that a loosely-supported, unfocused diatribe is needed.)
What? It’s just as relevant as anyone the Beeb has interviewed…