DEAR BEE,
THE HYOOMAN WHO KLEENS MY HOUSE IS ENGAJED. yay! ANEE ADVICE ON HOW TO KEEP HER FROM DOMINATINGSOSHUL CONVERSASHUN REEGARDING HER NUPCHOOULS and FROM TURNING INTO BRYDEZILA?
THX,
PHEBE
A/K/A CYOOTEST KITTEH OF THE WEEK
Dear Phebe,
It is very kind of you to write in on behalf of your hyooman. If you are asking because you yourself have already grown weary of her constant nattering about vests and cakes and processional paths, then you are in luck! As a cat, nature has blessed you with a built-in air of disdain. Should the conversation grow to onerous, simply raise your tail in the air, indulge in a moderate upchuck on the carpet, and be on your way. She will quickly get the message. If, on the other paw, it is other hyoomans you fear she may be annoying, this will require a little more finesse, as our social cues are less obvious. Now here is where an ordinary advice columnist would suggest things such as: wait for others to bring the topic up, or limit yourself to 5 minutes of wedding related discussions in any conversation. But I, dear Phebe, am not your average advice columnist. I happen to love weddings-full as they are of sparkles, and romance, and dancing, and fun. So I say-your hyooman should strive to talk MORE about her wedding, not less. Why it’s far more delightful than the drab and dreary matters which dominate social discourse these days. And, with a little ingenuity, any topic can be repurposed to suit your needs. For example: “The Giants are playing in the Super Bowl this Sunday? You know I considered having giant centrepieces for my upcoming wedding reception, but thought it a bit declasse so I’m going with tussie mussies instead-won’t that be super?” Or “Romney said that he wasn’t worried about the very poor? I think it would be a very poor showing indeed if I didn’t have lace overlays on the table linens.” And finally “The primary season seems to be dragging on forever, in fact a friend suggested that with the recent trends in colour blocking, I consider primary hues for my bridesmaids, but I felt that would be to jarring for a fall event.” With a little practice she’ll be the most sought after guest in any social situation.
Bee
P.S. Should you be chosen as a member of the wedding party, and require any haberdashery recommendations, please do write in again.
If you have a problem that you think only Bee can help with then why not email her? Send your questions to bee@newsnibbles.co.uk
