What Will Bee Will Bee

Dear Bee,

I have a problem that I need advice on.
I am a 93 year old man and have been married for 92 of those years. (We did things differently in the old days). For some

This has no relevance to today's letter, it's just cutes innit.

time now my wife  Gladys has insisted that I dress up as either Theodore Roosevelt or John Quincy Adams before she will sit at the dinner table with me.  As Roosevelt was a much taller man than I, and I am allergic to horsehair, this causes me considerable distress and ruins my enjoyment of my porterhouse steak.  I have tried compromising and dressing as Franklin Delano Roosevelt and James Madison but this only sends her into a rage.  Things are now so bad I am considering going to Burgerbarn.

Yours

 

Arthur Nonymous (Mr)

 

Dear Mr. Nonymous,

 That does indeed sound like a source of much vexation.  Fortunately you have come to the right place.  Your problem hinges upon the fact that you are interpreting your wife’s request to mean dressing as those gentlemen would on a formal occasion.  However, the circumstances for which you are dressing are casual meals in your own home.  As men today can often be found eating on the couch in what passes for their undergarments, it is not too grand a leap to assume that our Founding Fathers did much the same on many evenings.  In researching underwear of the 1700s, I find that John Adams, when in the privacy of his own home, would, like as not, been found in a long shirt with a simple vest over top. Wigs were also an accessory donned more commonly for public gatherings.  In fact, Thomas Jefferson informs us that Mr. Adams was often known to throw his wig on the floor and trample on it in fits of pique.  So good sir, might I suggest that tomorrow night, you storm into the dining room in an oversized t-shirt and vest, throw your wig on the floor, stomp it about a bit and bellow “Where’s my venison trollop?” (Women love an assertive man).  I feel certain your wife will be quite overcome with such a display and her reaction will be unprecedented.

Bee

Do you have a problem that could be helped by Bee’s unique outlook?  Why not email her?  bee@newsnibbles.co.uk

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One Reply to “What Will Bee Will Bee”

  1. Very good advice.The act of stamping on a wig can also cause it to release a charming and fragrant syrup which is a delicious compliment to the delightful porterhouse streak.This would of course add to your dining experience

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