Recipe Two: Orange Juice

Carefully research juice selling emporia in your area.  This can be done via the medium of a library (a place that lends out books on a variety of subjects).  This is a rather important step so don’t stint on this.  My original research stretched from 1983 until yesterday.  Its difficulty was somewhat compounded by my moving from one country to another, meaning that I had to start again from scratch, first researching libraries and then moving on to the subject at hand.

Once your research has been completed, proceed in an orderly manner to your emporium of choice.  Be sure to do this on a day and time when the emporium is open (if you have done your research properly, this will not be problematic).  Once inside, move carefully towards the juice area (juiceatorium if one is to be “proper”).  Select your juice with your eyes and hands.  Pay close attention to the size of the containing receptacle as this will have to fit inside some kind of cooling chamber in your abode.  If you do not have a cooling chamber go home immediately and begin researching the purchase of one.  These can be researched in a library.  Not the same library as your juice research.  It is VITALLY IMPORTANT that you do this research in a different library so as to avoid influence from the staff.  Library staff at a library that you have done juice research in are notorious* for making recommendations based solely on personal preference and not empirical fact.

Upon selecting your juice RUN**  to the cash register and pay for it.  If you can possibly have correct change ready to expedite this then do.  The sooner your chosen juice is put into your home cooling chamber, the more of the essential oils and flavourings will be preserved.

Once you have returned to your abode by the quickest route (GPS units are helpful and can be researched at the same library as the cooling chambers).  Quickly bring your beverage (in it’s manufacturer’s receptacle) down to the recommended temperature (refer to the chart posted in your local Department of Juice and Construction Accoutrements.

At this point make an eight ounce container from wood*** (I prefer teak but you can use any rare hardwood).  This will be your “Drinking Vessel” or DV.  If you have no access to a lumber yard you may in special circumstances borrow a glass from your neighbour but be careful to inspect it for food particles.  Not everyone these days is clean.

Pour the juice into the DV.  This will need some practice and also requires that you are able to open the original receptacle.  As there are many different kinds you may want to build some mockups from 1/32nd cm balsa which can be bought in sheets from balsawoodsheetsfororangejuicecartonmockups.net.****  Raise the DV to your lips and gently but firmly consume.

Enjoy.

Recipe   Two: Orange Juice is courtesy of Chef Arthur Scurf

*Based on the chef’s personal experiences.

**Only run if there are no obstructions in your way and you are physically capable of doing so.  Running is a personal choice and Newsnibbles is not responsible of any injuries related to running whilst carrying juice.  If in doubt carefully walk.  Running should only be undertaken by experts such as Chef Scurf.

***It is possible to purchase drinking glasses from your local drinking glass retailer if you are not creatively inclined.  Proper research can be done in any of the aforementioned libraries.

****Website last accessed by the chef in 1984.

NB. It is possible to repeat all the steps above with a different flavour of juice if you prefer it to orange.