Don’t Badger Me

For personal reasons Bee has been unable to submit her column this week.  Normal service will resume next week.  In the mean time, so as not to let down our readers in need, Badger has stepped into the breach to address this week’s letter.

Dear Bee,

With winter weather upon us, I find that my normally silky soft skin is a bit, shall we say, worse for wear.  Some days it

feels like sandpaper!  Do you have any suggestions of things I could do, or products I could use, to keep my skin as glowing as my sunny personality?

Sincerely,

Sandy

 

Dear Sandy,

Thank you for writing in with this interesting problem.  As a badger I don’t really suffer with skin complaints.  There was that time that I suffered from mange, for which I found a course of Frontline particularly effective.  Coincidently this treatment is also tremendously useful for fleas (coincidence because I have an itchy ear, and not of any relevance to your letter as it stands).  However, I would certainly not recommend a flea and tick treatment for a simple problem with dry skin.  Instead I have considered some natural solutions to your problem.  At first I thought, what you need is a coating for your skin to protect it from the elements.  Something thick, like lard would provide a protective coating to prevent the elements from taking their toll and fill your pores with lardy goodness.  Now, I am aware that the prospect of coating your face with the by product of roasting dead bovine, porcine, or ovis may be less than appealing, and, as such I considered a vegetarian alternative.  You could also coat your skin in olive oil.  The oil is thick and would not only provide a protective layer to your skin, but would also leave you with a shiny finish that would be the envy of all your friends.  However, on further contemplation I decided that neither of these products should be applied once the weather warms up as it is possible your skin could fry in the sun, and as such are not an appropriate solution.

I am aware that these ideas may be a bit “out there”.  People often tell me that some of my ideas are a bit too revolutionary for today’s society.  Also, humans aren’t as aware of the elements as we forest creatures, so would not be able to determine when the weather is too warm to apply the aforementioned treatments.  As such, my previous ideas are no good for your particular problem,  and so I thought, “what would Bee say?”

Well, in my extensive research on the topic I managed to dig up a skin treatment that Bee would just be bound to recommend.   Honey B Body Whip could have Bee as its spokesperson.  She is a Bee, and does not have an alternative lifestyle so is unlikely to rile an uncertain number of “moms”.  I am certain that were Bee writing to you this week she would say that this is the product for you.  According to its website you can “whip your skin into shape with this ultra-light body cream. Whisked and whisked until it’s almost impossibly fluffy, Honey B Body Whip is enriched with nourishing Shea and Cocoa Nectar,” and all for the bargain price of $28 a pot.

I hope my thoughts have been of help to you.  Do write back and let me know how you get on, and fear not, Bee will be back next week with her usual handy hints and tips.

Regards,

Badger.

Do you have a problem that you think Bee could help you deal with?  Why not email her, bee@newsnibbles.co.uk

NB, Olive oil or lard should not be used as an alternative to sunscreen.  Badger’s advice is based on absolutely no research or experience whatsoever, and should not be followed without serious consideration.  All beauty treatment undertaken as a result of this column is at the reader’s own risk.