Scene: The Heroes are in the entrance hall of Newsnibbles offices. They are incognito. All look like regular people, apart from The Pink Fairy, who is wearing a pink ball gown with bright pink DMs.
The Urinater: I can’t go up there.
Germ Girl: Why not? Don’t you like lifts?
Boobilicious: [Putting a supportive arm around The Urinater] We can take the stairs if you want.
The Pink Fairy: Sure, I’m wearing flats.
Green Man: Do you even know the meaning of blend in?!
The Pink Fairy: When you look as good as me blending in is never an option.
The Urinater: I’ll just wait down here, I can be look out.
Katie Cakes: What’s the matter with you? What happened?
The Urinater: [Shifting uncomfortably and looking at the floor] Nothing…
Germ Girl: We don’t have time for this. We’ll be safer together, come on! [She pushes The Urinater in front of her]
*******************************************************************************************
Scene: An upstairs office Reportage is sitting at a desk, with her back to the heroes. She is on the phone.
Reportage: I’ve told you already, that’s not funny, just disappointing. Besides which, size jokes are over, my readers expect a higher level. Now if you can’t find anything interesting for me to write about then I’ll go back to opinion, and you can deal with the lawyers! [She slams the phone down and turns on her swivel chair to face the cluster of undercover heroes in the door way.]
I hope you brought cake. And I don’t like raisins.
Katie Cakes: I chucked my last Victoria Sponge this morning. You can have a flap jack if you want?
Reportage: Yeah OK, is it chocolate?
Katie Cakes: Chip, yeah.
The Pink Fairy: Oh I have missed you! [He prances over and hugs her]
Reportage: [patting him slightly awkwardly] I missed you too… [Prizes him off an positions him a safe distance away] So, to what do I owe this unexpected visit?
Germ Girl: We’re in trouble Honey. Need your help.
Reportage: Big Mamma?
Germ Girl: Who else?
Katie Cakes: She’s had her greedy fat fingers in all the crime pies across Dudley for years. She’s baked into the base of everything.
Reportage: Wow, you do like your baked goods. Not too many mixed metaphors there then…
Green Man: Oh My God! You’re Sarcasmo! You are the reason I went into this gig! I LOVE you! It was too bad Big Mamma outed you to all of Dudley!
Boobilicious: Well that didn’t work out too badly, offered your own column in the Observer. And your sarcastic investigations have closed a number of Big Mamma’s legit cover businesses.
Reportage: [Seeming not to hear Boobilicious] Who’s this guy? Looks kinda preppy to be a hero.
Green Man: [Taking Umbrage] I’m an anti-hero! And I look much more imposing in my tights.
Reportage: [Raising an eyebrow] I bet. So, what’s the emergency?
Germ Girl: Big Mamma tracked us to our HQ, not so secret any more, more blowedupish…
Reportage: Damn that woman! I can’t even get close to destroying her empire. Not where I am, too many legal issues.
The Pink Fairy: What are you thinking?
Reportage: I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. I’ve been becoming increasingly frustrated with the limits of reporting [She gets up and opens a cupboard behind the desk, revealing a black rubber hero outfit with knee boots] I will be Reportage.
Caught Short is brought to you from the author of A Reason to Stay
