Dear Bee,
I’ve been getting very dirty of late. I just seem to pick up smut
everywhere. I’ve tried scrubbing and polishing myself, but I just
can’t seem to get clean. Do you have any tips for removing dirty
stains that won’t fade my hue?Moomin
Mr. (or Ms, who can tell really?) Moomin,
Let me begin by saying that from the first lines of your communication, I anticipated this question going in a very different direction. I have pledged to my fans that I will advise on any subject of which they have need, but “smut” and “very dirty” are areas I was somewhat trepidatious to dive into. I am therefore most relieved to see your concerns are of a much more mundane origin.
Moomin; there are plenty of advisors to whom you could turn for more, shall we say, practical, answers to your situation. I personally am acquainted with a woman who could tell you in precise detail the exact solution of bleach, vinegar, baking powder, and cat saliva to rid you of any level of smut, simply by knowing it’s original organic derivation.
But one does not turn to Bee for the ordinary. One comes to me for the extraordinary. And that, my good Moomin, is why my counsel to you is thus: “Revel in your filth!” Embrace it, own it, wallow in it if you will! Proudly sport your coat of many colors, and glory in being a multi-hued individual whose every speck of muck and ook tells a story. Many of us today are in too much of a hurry to erase our imperfections-our wrinkles, our spots, our lumps and bumps that tell the story of who we are. We are quickly becoming a society of white-washed replicas of one another utterly lacking in character or indiviuality. Do not be ashamed of the slime that stains your skin Moomin-you let your scuz flag fly!
Bee
Do you have a problem that could use Bee’s special attentions? Why not email bee@newsnibbles.co.uk
