What Will Bee Will Bee

Dear Bee,

I have a problem. I think I love one of my cats more than the other. They are both sweet as can be(e), but I just have a sweet spot


for the fluffy one, whom I will refer to as Detective S. The smooth coat, Detective M, is a love who wants A LOT of attention. All the time. He’s kind of slutty about it. Detective S, on the other hand, plays hard to get. He is lovey, but not a lap cat. Well, unless I’m sitting on the toilet. Then he wants to sit in my lap, which, come to think of it, is kind of gross. But that’s a problem for another time.

I do sit on the toilet lid, occasionally, to get Detective S to sit with me. It is a secret shame.
What can I do about my unequal adoration? I find I give extra attention to Detective M, because of guilt.
Can you help me with this?

Bad Cat Momma


Dear Bad Cat Momma,

Not to worry, this sort of thing is far more common than you might think.  In fact, while regular readers of Newsnibbles may have guessed that frequent photo model Annie is, in fact, my own personal animal companion, it may shock most of you to learn that I live with a cat as well!  Yes, even though you never see her pictured in these pages, or hear me mention her in the streets, I do have a second, woefully neglected, animal friend, a feline named Norma.

Some thinkers posit that we are drawn to the child (be they of fur or flesh) who reminds us most of ourselves.  While this may be part of your problem, I believe the root of the matter is at the root of the fur so to speak.  My own detective skills lead me to suspect that you have a natural affinity for long coated cats.

That being the case, I suggest you fashion for Detective M some sort of fur toupee.  Once outfitted in such a fashion, he’ll be fluffier, puffier, and harder to resist for a woman with your leanings.  In no time you’ll be inviting him to join Detective S and yourself on the toilet seat of shame.

Good luck!


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