Have you been wondering why we haven’t
posted for a while? Well, it’s because there is nothing interesting happening. But, just in case you missed us, here is a list of things the news has been covering of late.
The Weather
Have you noticed that it’s been raining here in the UK? Well, for our foreign readers, yes, it has been fairly rainy here in the the United Kingdom. If residents were incapable of looking up to the sky and saying “golly gosh, it’s precipitating today” it has been covered on the news, daily. OK, so there have been some big waves, and there have been floods, but mostly, we have been talking about rain. Rest assured that had it snowed we would be talking about that, and in the summer there will be a heat wave and hosepipe bans, because, despite all this rain no-one will have thought to stock up on water. Nope. On that note, weather can be dangerous, and people have been warned to stay away from big waves etc. This warning does not deter the BBC reporters though, oh no. Whilst standing, resolutely on the sea wall the intrepid reporter tells us that everyone has been warned not to stand on the sea wall because the waves are super big! Does working for the BBC make you suddenly immortal, or is the life insurance really good? Surely the message could have come across just as well from the studio? Why risk a reporter, they’re expensive. It’s like when they put the weather presenter out in the snow to prove it’s snowing. We don’t need to torment them, we’ll look out the window and spot it. Let them stay in the warm BBC. It’s cruel!
Kate Middleton Was in a Play
On BBC breakfast this morning it was reported that some newspaper or other (the theme of this post dictates that we simply don’t care about the specifics) has discovered pictures of Kate Middleton (the Duchess of Cambridge for those American readers who think all that stuff is quaint) was in a school play when she was eleven. If we didn’t care about the Royal Baby we most certainly don’t care about this. You will find it difficult to believe just how little we care. Actually not at all. But apparently this is big news. The breakfast reporters discussed it in great length about how the current generation cannot expect to have any secrets with all the Facebooking blah blah blah. Then some random chap in a in a shirt, roll neck jumper and a sports jacket (are the beeb cutting down on the heating bills? Maybe they should stop putting their reporters in such precarious positions and then the insurance premiums would go down) saying how ironic it is that she was playing Eliza Doolittle. Has he seen My Fair Lady? Clearly not. And also, NO-ONE CARES!!! She was in a play! Big bloody deal! It’s hardly scandalous is it? It’s not like she was in a biker gang and has left a large hairy ex called Bubba who has her face tattooed to his chest with Kate4eves underneath. Even if that was the case we wouldn’t care, but it’s not. She was in a play. Big whoop.
The Olympic Ring
Now, whilst we care that we have sent our reporters and athletes to a country with questionable human rights policies we DO NOT CARE that the 6th ring did not light up during the opening ceremony and they used dress rehearsal footage to broadcast to make it look better. We just don’t care. Let’s focus on that because heaven forbid we focus on something that actually matters like the prisoners of conscience or their anti-gay laws. That would ruin our enjoyment of the sports wouldn’t it? Let’s just talk about the ring and the fact that it didn’t like properly, or, here’s an idea, LET’S NOT!!!
END
