Weather With The Wall Street Bull

Somebody tell the weather that it’s photo (7)not April any more. I’m getting waterlogged over here with all this rain. Also, having my eyes poked with umbrellas every five seconds could lead to some tourist fatalities, and we all know that would be a shiner for New York City… BUT AT LEAST IT WOULDN’T BE A POKED-OUT EYE AMIRITE?

Humidity has been hanging over us like a guest who’s overstayed their welcome (#justinbieber), and it’s making the city look tawdry and dull (#donaldtrump). Manhattan skyscrapers look best framed by intensely blue skies with scattered marshmallow-puff clouds (yes, that’s the actual meteorological term, thanks for asking). So in a way, I’m worried that the tourists aren’t seeing the real beauty of the city while we’re having this crappy weather.
But we’re in for a brutal summer of unrelenting heat, so I guess I should be thankful that their aren’t shimmering waves emanating from my bronze body just yet. I’m not the easiest bull to pet when it’s 95 degrees and sunny (#thirddegreeburns).
I’m encouraging every one everywhere–not just NYC–to capture rainwater for use around the yard/garden/farm. Learn how to do it efficiently now BEFORE you need it. If you’re a liberal, do it because it’s good for the environment. If you’re a conservative, do it because it lessens your dependency on government-regulated infrastructure. If you’re an anarchist, pretend you wanted to do it anyway even before I mentioned it.

Sincerely,
Mr Charging Bull
(@TheWallStBull)
Weather Correspondent for the wildly popular Newsnibbles
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