Weather With The Wall Street Bull

I’m typing this from under 30 inches of snow snowbullfrom Blizzard Juno. Just kidding! Only 15 inches.

This was a veritable Edsel of storms–it was hyped as an uberevent, which made the actual event anticlimactic although it was significant in its own right. Gotta love advertising.

Mayor de Blasio, normally an empathetic guy, chose to close down the subways instead of dramatically reducing service. Although the city said that no person who was seeking shelter would be turned away, there’s just no freaking room to accommodate the usual 60K-plus people who sleep in NYC municipal shelters every night PLUS the estimated thousands of additional people who go unsheltered. (Figures from Coalition for the Homeless.) For better or for worse, riding the subway is the only shelter of which many of the homeless avail themselves, so taking that away without a viable alternative was a knife in the heart for many. CAN WE NOW GET SERIOUS ABOUT SEIZING ABANDONED BUILDINGS THROUGH EMINENT DOMAIN AND CREATING AFFORDABLE HOUSING?

But I digress.

City workers did a decent job of clearing the snow, but we’re not whole yet. Subways opened at 7:30 this morning (Jan 27), which might give some businesses the idea that they can expect employees to come to work today as if nothing happened, but it ain’t that easy. It’s still freezing, with icy streets and sidewalks in many places. My advice? Stay home. Watch daytime TV–that’ll make you appreciate your job, no matter how shitty it is.

They’re calling for snow to continue until the afternoon. We’re all hoping that trash collection happens today and that everyone stays safe. We’re also hoping that at least one flight to Puerto Rico that has a seat with a lot of shank room can get out of JFK.

Byline: The Wall Street Abominable Snowbull.

For more insights and opinions from our shiny friend follow @TheWallStBull on Twitter 


Weather With The Wall Street Bull

The weather in NYC is craptastic–thanks for photo (7)asking. If one more of our California friends mentions “sunny and high 70s,” we’re gonna book a flight to LA just to punch them out personally.

It’s literally freezing, and I mean “literally” literally. After a warm, Spring-like Sunday, it got progressively colder and now I’m a bronze popsicle in an intermittent wind tunnel. This is the kind of temperature fluctuation that your mother tells you will make you catch a cold. No, Ma–it’s all the phlegmy schmendricks sneezing in my immediate vicinity that are going to make me catch a cold, after which I will hunt them down and gore them. But I digress.

So when it was rainy all weekend, at least the humidity in the air made the weather borderline bearable. But this week we’ll be back and forth between snow and bone dry. My tail tuft will be all staticky and I’ll be short-tempered. How will that be different from and other day? you ask. Don’t make me gore you.

Of course the worst part of the sucky weather isn’t complaining statues: it’s seeing homeless folks at real risk for hypothermia. Every time somebody walks by me on their way to work, bitching on their phone to someone about the cold, I want to shout, “What the hell are you complaining about? You just came from indoors and you’re headed indoors.” But it’s in my contract that I can’t shout at passers-by. (My agent is a dog. No, literally.)

Anyway, I guess my points are as follows, in no particular order:
1. Winter sucks.
2. Static electricity suck.
3. Being homeless always sucks, but in the winter it’s life-threatening, so buy some hot food for a street person.

FORECAST: Cold and sucky for the foreseeable future. Some snow today: not enough for anybody to get the day off, but enough to irritate the shit out of us and make life miserable. Warming trend anticipated possibly in April. I can’t type anymore– my hooves are freezing. Who will bring me another coffee? Somebody check Travelocity for flights to LA. I hear it’s sunny and 70s there, and there are some people I need to see.

For more insights follow @TheWallStBull on Twitter.


Weather With The Wall Street Bull

Somebody tell the weather that it’s photo (7)not April any more. I’m getting waterlogged over here with all this rain. Also, having my eyes poked with umbrellas every five seconds could lead to some tourist fatalities, and we all know that would be a shiner for New York City… BUT AT LEAST IT WOULDN’T BE A POKED-OUT EYE AMIRITE?

Humidity has been hanging over us like a guest who’s overstayed their welcome (#justinbieber), and it’s making the city look tawdry and dull (#donaldtrump). Manhattan skyscrapers look best framed by intensely blue skies with scattered marshmallow-puff clouds (yes, that’s the actual meteorological term, thanks for asking). So in a way, I’m worried that the tourists aren’t seeing the real beauty of the city while we’re having this crappy weather.
But we’re in for a brutal summer of unrelenting heat, so I guess I should be thankful that their aren’t shimmering waves emanating from my bronze body just yet. I’m not the easiest bull to pet when it’s 95 degrees and sunny (#thirddegreeburns).
I’m encouraging every one everywhere–not just NYC–to capture rainwater for use around the yard/garden/farm. Learn how to do it efficiently now BEFORE you need it. If you’re a liberal, do it because it’s good for the environment. If you’re a conservative, do it because it lessens your dependency on government-regulated infrastructure. If you’re an anarchist, pretend you wanted to do it anyway even before I mentioned it.

Mr Charging Bull
Weather Correspondent for the wildly popular Newsnibbles

Earth Day Report Dateline, NYC

It’s great weather for Earth Day, but it’s bad photo (7)weather for Earth Day. On the one hoof, it’s Spring-like and pleasant, and they say it’ll rain in the late afternoon: typical for April in New York. But on the other hoof, it’s days like these–typical-for-the-season days–that fuel the climate-change deniers. So I kinda wish we’d have one of those polar vortices to remind people, on this of all days, that our weather is actually effed up.

Early this morning, the Lyrid meteor shower amazed any NYer who wasn’t sleeping yet–and that’s usually about a million or so on any given night. Lotsa wishes were made on shooting stars. I wished for safety for the people of #Syria and rescue for the kidnapped #NigerianSchoolgirls. My bodyguard cop wished for an end to gun violence in the five boroughs. Some high dude walking by wished for a nickel bag. Guess who’s most likely to get their wish granted. <sigh>

In my city, the biggest Earth Day events will be at Union Square and Grand Central. This year, most Earth Day celebrations will have some exhibit or other kind of info on how climate change is negatively affecting the world’s food supply. People whose food comes directly from the ground to their cooking pots are taking a terrible hit–and most if these people are already just barely making it. It might take longer for effects to be felt in the aisles of @FairwayMarket, but it inevitably WILL. How bad it will be is dependent on how logical and data-driven we are. So this is a big education theme for Earth Day 2014.

My plans for today involve posing with tourists; eating heathy, sustainable, vegan meals; and following the markets. There will also be a liberal helping of sarcasm and levity. #seewhatididthere

Yours truly,

Mr. Charging Bull (aka Bully)
Bowling Green Park
New York, NY 10004

Follow @TheWallStBull on Twitter for more random insights


Weather With The Wall Street Bull

photo (7)We have a new weather segment here on Newsnibbles, as do all the best news reporting… thingies… Our brand new “Weather Correspondent” is @TheWallStBull ! Excitings.  His première report is below, along with a “selfie” wot he took of himself.  We are hoping that each weather report will be accompanied by an appropriately weathered picture… see what we did there?


 So when I heard that a crippling storm was predicted for my home-town, I knew that I’d had enough of the stupid winter weather ruining our lives. I assumed an aggressive stance with my sharp horns pointed upwards and dared the weather to hit us as hard as it could. Not surprisingly, it ran off crying like a little baby, leaving just a dusting of snow–barely enough to make the city streets look temporarily clean. #punkass