Nibblets

Although you won’t be hungry after these disturbing flashes into the news…

The Boner Collector

OK, so it’s a pun, because of… well… you get it…

During a raid on the residence of a 54 year old mortician worker in Houston, Texas, FBI agents uncovered an unusual stash of contraband.  The home contained 3178 embalmed human penises… peni… penis’… The penis hoarder, as the interns have been calling him, must have been removing the organs from cadavers for many years to accumulate such a collection, and we are wondering whether The Guinness Book of records would be interested. If this story has tipped your interest then you can read the whole disturbing account on…. World News Daily Report

A Ghost of a Chance

A woman in Bristol, who claims to have been having sexual relations with ghosts for over ten years is now looking for a ghost husband to start a ghost family.

According to The Bristol Post the 27 year old spiritual guidance counsellor has been with 20 ghosts in the 10 years since she left her fiance for one. She is now looking for a nice ghost to settle down with so she can have a phantom pregnancy… we aren’t sure anyone’s had the heart to tell her that that’s not what it means…

And in Boob News…

Christmas boobs are a new craze to be sweeping Manchester. It is now the fashion, apparently, to cut a hole in your favourite Christmas jumper, pop your boob out, give it a red nose, some eyes and antlers and call it Rudolf. No, really.  This new trend in Christmas fashion is not exactly warm, but hey, if people are enjoying themselves. Just need to be careful not to take someone’s eye out when the frost hits.

You can read more in Lovin’ Manchester and because it is so special, we have even embedded a picture below…

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A Limerick, by Jane Jago

Who let that man have a phone?

He’s on it like Fido with a bone

He thinks it is neat

Bad crap to retweet

Can we not have him put in a home

Working Title Blogspot. Two women and some books. Hope you will check back daily for your ‘coffee break’ read, and please do let us know what you think.

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Monday Mystery Mime

Once again, our friends at Feathers and Toast bring you the weekly mystery mime for your guessing pleasure. Have a go, put a guess in the comments, we won’t bite. Winners announced next week.

And last week’s mime was a pumpkin being carved and the winners were Richard Goldman, Linda Henderson Eubanks and Deva Palmier.  If you guessed it too, well done. Post a comment next time. What is actually wrong with you?!

Anyway. Here’s the mime…. honestly, we don’t know why we bother…

And Feathers and Toast are also bringing us #MemeMonday with this Halloween inspired Meme.

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Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween from everyone at Newsnibbles.

If you haven’t entered our Facebook competition yet, click here to do it. You have until Midnight.

If you want something spooky (or just different) to read before then, the Sparkly Badgers of Facebook have come through again.  These books are all free today only, so hop over to Amazon and snap up some Halloween reading.

Don’t forget to thank the author by leaving a review!

Lineage: A Beginning by C H Clepitt

Dying to Be Roman by Jane Jago and E.M. Swift-Hook

Aaspa’s Eyes by Jane Jago

Only the Few by L.N. Denison

The Dragon Warrior of Kri: A Shiva XIV Story by Lyra Shanti

And released today (on permanent free) is

The Corpseriders: A Tale of Aegis Immemorial by SR Jones

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The Poo That Broke The Internet

Last week, a woman on a Tinder date in Bristol hit the headlines for an unusual reason.  She became stuck, upside-down in a bathroom window after climbing in to try and fish out a lump of poo.

The self proclaimed “Shirehampton Sh*t Slinger” had been on a date to the most romantic of retreats, Nandos, and had returned to the House on Poo Corner, as the interns have dubbed it, to finish the romantic evening with a bottle of wine and a documentary on Scientology. What could be better?  Perhaps she ordered too much side salad, perhaps there was too much caffeine in the after dinner coffee, perhaps wine just gets her that way, the truth is, we may never know the true cause of the incident, but, at some point during the evening, the woman in question had to excuse herself to the bathroom.

Under any other circumstances, the egg she laid would have impressive. We are clearly talking Guinness World Record sized turd, because try as she might, it would not flush away.  Rather than getting a bucket of water, or covering the offending article with tissue, poo panic set in, and poo panic logic dictated that the best course of action would be too fish said faeces out of the bowl, and fling it out of the window… one can only presume with the hope of blaming a passing horse…  Unfortunately, the plan went awry went the sash window turned out to have a second pane of glass behind the first, trapping the offending turd in the gap.  Not to be defeated by mere glass, our intrepid hero then climbs up and reaches in to retrieve the offending specimen, only to get stuck, see picture below…

    The fire brigade had to be called to retrieve her.  The adventure has a happy ending, however, as according to The Metro, not only are the couple going to see each other again, but the window has been fixed for free, and the money raised through crowd funding originally designated to fix the window is going to charity.

Here at Newsnibbles, we would like to add our own special thanks to the couple, for giving us something to write about, we feel we are truly back doing what we do best.

Do you have a similar story? Why not share it with us in the comments below?

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Nibblets

The Scientists Made Me Do It!

Sounds like an excuse as shoddy as ‘the dog ate my homework’, doesn’t it, but in this instance it’s absolutely true!

Researchers at University at Buffalo College of Arts and Sciences, have developed a “minimally invasive procedure”, which allows them to electrically stimulate the neurons in the brains of mice, and control their movements! Can you say eeek? According to BGR, the research could lead to the treatment of mood disorders, and, according to our interns it could lead to a zombie slave army. The interns have a thing about zombies.

Read more on bgr.com

Beyond the Ring

NASAs Cassini Probe has been orbiting Saturn for 20 years, sending back amazing images of the giant planet and its moons. Now it is running out of fuel, so the scientists have set it on a crash course with the surface of the planet, which means it is set to send back closer surface images than ever before.  If it reveals a golf course there is every possibility that a certain orange skinned phenomenon could be persuaded to move, it’s this kind of science that saves the world. Anyway, there’s an in depth article, along with some cool pictures and artists’ impressions on sci-techunivers.com – so maybe check them out.

Super Sonic Badger Spotted

A super sonic badger and a woman in a purple mask foiled a mugging last night.  The unidentified pair swooped in, just as a couple of theatre goers were about to lose their belongings to a gang of youths in an alley behind a restaurant….

Alright, not really, but if you quite like the idea of this story, you’ll probably like Badger’s new book!  It’s available for preorder on Kindle, and you can get in touch via Facebook to order paper. Also, come to the party, you know it’ll be more fun if you’re there, and as it’s on the internet, you don’t even need to wash!

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Superheroes with Style!

From the author of I Wore Heels to the Apocalypse comes the hilarious sequel.

What is better than a sarcastic talking badger? A sarcastic talking badger with superpowers, of course!

Having survived the apocalypse, Kerry is back to being a socially awkward web developer, but when apocalypse survivors start ending up dead, with her next on the list, events begin to spiral out of control. Follow Kerry as she deals with life and fashion challenges, whilst trying to save the world in this hilarious sequel to I Wore Heels to the Apocalypse.

Be a hero, #WearTheCape

There was a really positive reaction to Heels, over all,” said Clepitt when asked about her sequel.  “People loved the badger, which was to be expected, and they were all sad when he disappeared at the end. Of course spirit guides are only around as long as you need them, and since in this new story, Kerry’s life becomes a bit of a disaster, we see the triumphant return of the badger in all its sarcastic glory.”

I think it’s really important to write diverse characters,” she added.  “The world is not purely one type of person, despite what traditional canon would have us believe and it is essential that everyone is represented.  As authors we have a responsibility to write diverse characters where we can.  It is also important to write what we know, so it is equally essential that we help and encourage diverse authors, so that all perspectives are represented within a modern canon. I also don’t think we should have to add “warning labels” to our writing, you don’t warn readers that your books contain straight people, do you? No-one’s worried that it will somehow offend people. Bigotry is not a sensibility I think we need to consider.”

Everything is Better With a Cape is due for release September 3rd. Visit chclepitt.com for more information.

And of course, there’s a party on Facebook. Click “interested” to join the fun.

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UK Election 2017 – The Story So Far…

We have been steering clear of the news of late, because it is just too depressing, but we know that for some of you, Newsnibbles is the only thing you read, so we thought we’d give you the basics.

So, after saying she would not call a snap election, on April 18th, Theresa May announced a snap election for June 8th.  The aim of this was to increase the Tory majority, and and make a hard Brexit easier to achieve.

What Mrs May apparently had not considered, was the fact the 48% of the country voted to remain in Europe, the increasing popularity of Jeremy Corbyn, and the swing to the left to many of the young, who are tired of the ideological austerity imposed by the current government, which to many seems designed to make the rich richer and the poor poorer, perhaps a way to “decrease the surplus population”?  With the wealth divide at a high level, the NHS being systematically sold of to Richard Branson’s Virgin Care and NHS staff forced to use food banks, many of the country were saying enough is enough.

In the five week run up to the general election Labour closed the polling gap making it a very tight race.  Whilst pundits predicted the May would lose her majority, no-one predicted the 12 seat loss, and resulting hung parliament.  The nation had spoken, it wanted a change.

In what many see as a desperate attempt to cling to power, May has joined forces with the DUP, an Irish Unionist party, whose policies include criminalising abortion, decriminalising of LGBTQ discrimination, a return to the death penalty and the teaching of creationism in schools. That’s right, they believe the Earth is only 6000 years old.  Just let that sink in for a minute.  It is worth noting here that a number of these policies are in direct contravention of the Good Friday Agreement.   There is already a petition on Change.Org opposing the union, which to date has over 100,000 signatures.

The 10 seats they won in Northern Ireland will allow the Tories a slim majority and mean they can form a government, however, the combined numbers of The Labour Party, The SNP, The Liberal Democrats, Plaid Cymru and The Green Party form 48.3% of parliament, so if they agree to vote together it is likely that they will be able to block any reforms that a Conservative/DUP pairing attempts to pass.  UKIP has no seats, so there are no other Right Wing parties left to support this.

What Mrs May also seems to have failed to consider is the forming of this coalition was the 19 openly LGBTQ MPs within her own party, who could be her downfall if she tries to pass any DUP agenda which will negatively impact the LGBTQ community.  If fact, this election saw a record number of LGBTQ MPs elected, as well as a record number of female MPs, which seems to demonstrate that the majority of Britons are opposed to what could be called the backward facing policies of the DUP.

In an election that seems to have been fought on Social Media as much as anywhere else, it is not surprising that people have taken to Twitter to voice their opposition to this union.

It is difficult to say how things will play out. With so much public opposition it would be reasonable to hope that the coalition would be reconsidered, but then, 84% of the population oppose fox hunting, and she still wants to bring that back.

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Monday Mystery Mime

What do you mean, we’re late? Maybe you’re late? Ever think of that?  So, you know the drill.  Every week the amazing folks at Feathers and Toast perform a mystery mime.  All you have to do is guess what it is for a chance to have the mime of your choosing performed by Tallulah herself.  We won’t make it complicated, just post your answer in the comments. Go on, have a go.  A Nibbler won the other week, and we have posted their mime below.

Last week’s mime was a lollypop melting. No-one guessed it, so have a go this time, you never know.

Now, without further ado, the mystery…

And just to prove it really does happen, Judith requested an elephant being washed, and below is said mime. It is incredibly realistic, you can almost see the trunk.

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Monday Mystery Mime

It’s that time of the week again, when the extremely talented team behind Feathers and Toast perform a mime for your guessing pleasure.  Get it right, and the mime of your choice will be performed by Tallulah herself.  Entries close midnight Friday and the winners will be announced next week.

And congratulations to last week’s winners, Judith Evans, Paul Uhler and Joe Pranaitis, who all correctly guessed “Spring Chicken”.

So, without further a do, here’s the mime.

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