Badger’s Eurovision Commentary

Well, as promised Badger commentated live on Twitter during this year’s exciting Eurovision.  In case you for some reason had something more interesting to do than sit at home simultaneously watching the Eurovision and monitoring the Twitter feed, or more likely suffered some sort of four hour power cut and could not follow the action we have reproduced the commentary below.  If you have access to the BBC iplayer or your country’s equivalent we recommend you read these in conjunction with watching the contest to get the full experience.  If you do not know what the Eurovision song contest is, or have never seen it then the commentary may be wasted on you.

• Woohoo! #Eurovision! Here we go! Badger commentary begins!
• Interesting start… apparently this guy is one of the greatest singers alive… #Eurovision
• I’m glad they’re wearing high vis vests, it is midnight there… #Eurovision
• Ooo, lovely matching blue frocks… could this get more sparkly? Let’s hope… #Eurovision
• Crazy fast drumming, these guys must be very fit. It’s way past their bedtimes! #Eurovision
• Now last year’s winner is up, backed by trapeze artists apparently… #Eurovision
• Loving the white suit, very 80s chic… #Eurovision
• This is number 57 apparently. I’ll be fluent in French by the end of the evening. #Eurovision
• 42 entries, 26 compete – I’m still backing the Social Network Song to win. #Eurovision
• Graham just brushed over the controversy, probably best, don’t want to spoil the sparkliness.  #Eurovision
• Ooo, Australia and New Zealand are watching apparently. Exciting. #Eurovision
• Lines don’t open until all the bands have performed apparently, if you were thinking of voting… I’ll be remaining impartial… #Eurovision
• The Humperdink is up first! Lyrics if you press the red button, who wants to sing along? #Eurovision
• The Humperdink is wearing black in contrast to last year’s winner in white, is this an omen? #Eurovision
• The Humperdink has a fine head of hair. #Eurovision
• Wow, that was a loud bit, not sure how I feel about that, perhaps overwhelmed. Well done Hump, good work. #Eurovision
• Hungary and “Sound of our Hearts” up next, here we go. #Eurovision
• Should have interviewed this guy, looking sharp in his coat, I like the orange lining. #Eurovision
• There’s a guy with a guitar in the background, seems to just be passing through, perhaps he’s on later. #Eurovision
• I can’t hear the sound of anyone’s heart, maybe the music’s too loud? #Eurovision
• Well that was quite catchy. Not sure whether The Humperdink should be worried. #Eurovision
• Experimental Jazz up next, am I worried? #Eurovision
• Great hair and awesome shoulderpads, impossible to describe in 140 characters… #Eurovision
• She could have based her outfit on Ming the Merciless, but that’s pure speculation… #Eurovision
• Good grief, is that a note? I hurt now… #Eurovision
• I’m thinking about that episode of Charmed with the Banshee in, don’t know why. Poor attention span probably… #Eurovision
• I may be in love with Graham Norton, in a platonic way obv. #Eurovision
• Love is Blind apparently… coincidence? Call me… #Eurovision
• Oh dear, seems to be a ballad. He is wearing a blindfold in true metaphoric style. Kudos for the sparkle though… #Eurovision
• Seriously dude, we get it, love is blind, lose the blindfold. #Eurovision
• Blindfold comes off with some sort of gymnastics, exciting…#Eurovision
• Ooo, that was a bit of a Cher impression if I’m not mistaken, he could be winning me round… #Eurovision
• If love is blind there is hope for me yet. #Eurovision
• Excellent work with the spotlight, I can hardly see the piano. #Eurovision
• Feel like I’m at sea, what’s the deal with this camera work? #Eurovision
• Now there seems to be a flute, perhaps it is a Titanic theme? #Eurovision
• Wind machine, maybe she’s king of the world? #Eurovision
• Unstoppable Russian Grannies? They want to rebuild a church? #Eurovision
• They seem to have a pizza oven on the stage… are they making dinner too? Multitasking good stuff… #Eurovision
• Love their dancing, shame they aren’t in time with one another, but it adds to their charm. #Eurovision
• Boom boom! What next. Did I mention I’m entering next year? #Eurovision
• Bribing the audience with cookies? Well whatever works. #Eurovision
• “Never Forget” up next. Let’s hope not forgetting in a good way… #Eurovision
• Oh dear… I don’t like how he’s looking at me… #Eurovision
• Looks like she may play the violin soon, unless it’s just for decoration… #Eurovision
• I will certainly remember them, so their belief is well founded. #Eurovision
• Ooo, hand touching before the watershed, may all be too much… #Eurovision
• That sharp head turn was something straight from ABBA. #Eurovision
• Ready for Cyprus? I know I am… #Eurovision
• Lalalalalalala. I’m singing along already, catching, reminds me of Diva by Dana International… #Eurovision
• Bouncy… #Eurovision
• Slightly disturbed by the choreography, but then I am a conservative badger… #Eurovision
• Well as hair tossing goes that was impressive… #Eurovision
• The wind machine from Titanic is back, and she’s standing on the table, which is rude… #Eurovision
• France’s entry has sold 2m albums apparently. Wonder how many The Humperdink has sold… #Eurovision
• Acrobatics, exciting. I’m eating a doughnut. #Eurovision
• I’m concerned they seem to be peeling her frock off… not sure I’m ready for this… #Eurovision
• Those men have no shirts… #Eurovision
• I’m concerned her train may get caught in the fan, that frock is an accident waiting to happen. #Eurovision
• Ooo, I like this, awesome voice. Who is she? Wish I’d paid attention to the beginning. #Eurovision
• Lalalalalalaliking this one. Great voice. Set something up with her people. #Eurovision
• Ah! Italy! I’ll pay attention from now on. Go Italy. Well done lady. #Eurovision
• That waistcoat/t-shirt combo never goes out of style. At the intro I thought he was gunna sing “Yesterday Once More” but he didn’t. #Eurovision
• No, only sing loud if you know you can reach the note. A high note is not something to aspire to…. #Eurovision
• Oh I say, sexy eyebrow action there… #Eurovision
• Norway next, could this get any more exciting? I suspect I will have lost followers before tonight is over… PFT #Eurovision
• What’s the deal with all the acrobatics? Don’t like his hood, he will spoil his hairdo… #Eurovision
• His shirt is all torn, his mother will not be pleased when he gets home. #Eurovision
• It’s making me hot too… I’m sweating like a beast. Too much info? Well you didn’t hear me sing it… #Eurovision
• Ooo, flames. Hope that outfit isn’t flammable. #Eurovision
• Nice finishing pose, I can see a poster shoot in their future. Nearly half way through fans. #Eurovision
• Arlene! My hero! Hi Arlene! The Humperdink had a wonderful time, now he’s trying for votes. #Eurovision
• Now Baku is performing to the home crowd. Here we go. #Eurovision
• Ooo, I like it already! Could Baku have it 2 years running? This is great. #Eurovision
• The music can’t die, there are 13 songs left to go yet. #Eurovision
• Wow! How sparkly is that outfit?  And it changes colour, although that could be the lighting… #Eurovision
• I may be hypnotised by the background… #Eurovision
• Romania next, they’ve never won apparently, not that I’m trying to influence you… #Eurovision
• Is he naked behind that drum?! #Eurovision
• Well it’s quite catchy, not sure about the ’20s gangster outfits… #Eurovision
• More flames. I hope no-one’s wearing a shell suit…
• Is she in the Navy? Not sure she should be wearing that hat if not… #Eurovision
• I don’t think it is true… That guy on the drums is enthusiastic… #Eurovision
• Greece next, looks like there may be some river dancing… Great tune though. #Eurovision
• That dance move looked painful, I hope she did some stretching first… #Eurovision
• Is that a giant ice cream in the background? #Eurovision
• Sweden’s up next, I bet @olivercoey is excited now. #Eurovision
• If this moment lasted forever you’d stop appreciating it. #Eurovision
• Looks like the wind machine had been turned back on. #Eurovision
• Is she wearing her dressing gown? Maybe they should turn off the wind machine… #Eurovision
• Either it’s snowing or someone has hellish dandruff… #Eurovision
• Apparently everyone knows who won the first one, I didn’t but we just met her so now I do. Hi. #Eurovision
• Love me Back? No, really, I’m so lonely… Er, no, this is the name of the Turkish entry, I’m not really all alone…. #Eurovision
• Oh dear, cape dancing, and another special hat… #Eurovision
• I have no words, time for a comfort break, back in a bit… #Eurovision
• Time for Spain.  She’s had 9 albums apparently, but Graham says she’s been told not to win, so we’ll observe her tactics… #Eurovision
• It’s like she wants me to hold her hand… I won’t though, I don’t do touching… #Eurovision
• Well, she has the most awesome voice. I don’t know whether she’ll be able to accomplish her mission of not winning, it’s great. #Eurovision
• *Claps effusively* Well done Spain. #Eurovision
• Ooo, Germany has the winner of “Germany’s Got Talent” as their entry. I will reserve judgement. #Eurovision
• What’s the deal with the random headgear this year? #Eurovision
• I like Germany, although he is not “Standing Still” – he’s pacing like a bear in a cage… #Eurovision
• Very nice. I’m imagining how his hair might look. Perhaps he heard about the wind machine… #Eurovision
• Oh dear, there seems to be a DJ on stage… #Eurovision
• I think that guy might be miming playing the guitar… #Eurovision
• Drumming in sync to bum wiggling… oh dear… #Eurovision
• I have a feeling he thinks this is the night. Glad he remembered to turn up… #Eurovision
• Some more exciting spotlight action. This may be a ballad… #Eurovision
• Spoke too soon – seems to be a metal anthem. #Eurovision
• Oh no. Jedward just kissed the camera, I feel dirty. #Eurovision
• Good lord! What are they wearing? Did they raid Buck Rogers’ wardrobe? #Eurovision
• I’m not sure I could be more disturbed than I am right now… #Eurovision
• If Ireland need me to represent them next year I’m available… #Eurovision
• Just when I thought it couldn’t get any more impressive there is a spirty fountain… Wowsers… #Eurovision
• Lovely bit of violin music… this is a calming one… #Eurovision
• I think I like this guy, wonder if he’s single, and likes badgers… #Eurovision
• Oh I say, this is a sparkly one, I’m thinking pop diva! You go girl. #Eurovision
• That was splendid. Well done Ukraine. #Eurovision
• Oh dear… And what happened to “The Social Network Song”? I’ve been waiting for it!!! #Eurovision
• What on Earth are they doing on the floor? They look like beetles on their backs… #Eurovision
• It’s time for the votes. Let me know who you’re voting for when the lines open in a bit. #Eurovision
• Come on The Humperdink! Woop ! And there’s a CD out! Exciting. #Eurovision
• Another reminder in case you hadn’t decided yet! OMG – my eardrums just burst. #Eurovision
• Oh, yes, Italy was good. Is it wrong that I want the CD? #Eurovision
• No, I do not wish to be spammed in the middle of my commentary. I’m trying to focus here! #Eurovision
• They voting is over! Who will win?! Exciting. #Eurovision
• What’s the deal with the green lights? Like the inside of a Borg Cube! #Eurovision
• I might crack out me bugle and join in in a minute. #Eurovision
• While we’re taking a break I’d like to say hello to my new followers. If your account is private I can’t see your tweets, even to me.
• I’m very hot. These interviews seem strained to me… #Eurovision
• Woohoo. Results I’ll let you know who wins… #Eurovision
• Is no-one gunna give The Humperdink a point? He got all dressed up and everything. #Eurovision
• You do not need to sing whilst being interviewed. It is not a rule… #Eurovision
• well Sweden’s doing well. Could be hosting next year’s at this rate. I’m available to sing. #Eurovision
• Well done Sweden! Good job, we’ll see you next year. Badger is now signing off for the night. Hope you enjoyed it. #Eurovision

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